Small business owners are constantly told to ask better questions. You hear it everywhere. Ask open-ended or verb-led questions. Ask probing questions. Ask follow-up questions to uncover what the customer really wants. I have even written about it myself. It sounds like solid advice until you try it in real conversations.
If you run a retail shop, customers often shut down the moment you start asking too many questions. If you run a service business, people give you the safe, surface-level answer instead of the genuine concern. And if you work in the trades or sell anything with a higher price tag, you can practically watch the prospect’s shields go up the moment you ask something directly.
When Good Questions Stop Working
A while back, I was mentoring a client who ran a residential remodeling business. Kitchens, baths, and basement conversions. He was quite skilled, had a stellar reputation, and was always in demand, but he kept running into the same problem. Customers hesitated to share their true expectations with him. They too often softened their answers. They sidestepped cost discussions. Whenever he asked anything resembling a budget question, he said he could almost feel the tension enter the conversation.
He tried everything he knew. Direct questions. Softer questions. Different ways of framing the same idea. Nothing was working. People just tended to hold back no matter how he asked.
A big part of the problem, I learned later, was simply human nature. A homeowner doesn’t want to look like a cheapskate. They also don’t want to admit they have no idea what things cost. So they hedge. They test the waters. They protect themselves. It self-preservation.
At that point in my mentoring, I didn’t have a viable tactic to help him solve his issue. I could see the point where the conversation stalled. I could see why the conversation died. And I could see that it wasn’t just homeowners. Customers in every industry protect themselves during negotiations because no one wants to look foolish or be taken advantage of.
But I still didn’t have a simple way to help my clients break the stalemate. Once I notice a pattern like that, I can’t help but start seeing it everywhere. Retail. Food service. Home trades. B2B. Anytime money or uncertainty enters the picture, people guard the truth. And once they do, direct questions rarely help.
It wasn’t until later that I came across a set of practices used inside the intelligence community that helped solve this problem. These weren’t pressure techniques. They were tools designed to help people reveal information in a way that felt far more natural and safe to them. That approach is called “Elicitation,” and once I understood it, everything started to click. Elicitation was the missing tactic I wished I had when working with that remodeling client.
Why Elicitation Works on the Human Brain
To understand why elicitation works, you only need to recognize a small piece of human psychology. Daniel Kahneman’s book Thinking, Fast and Slow describes two thinking modes. One mode is fast and automatic. The other is slow and analytical. The fast mode handles reflex. It is what makes you pull your hand back from a hot pan or flinch at a sudden loud noise. It is hardwired for our survival.
That same fast system reacts when something doesn’t sound right. It wants accuracy. It wants the story to make sense. When someone hears a slightly inaccurate statement, the fast brain wakes up and wants to correct it. That reaction happens before the rational brain has time to decide anything. The correction is instinctive.
Elicitation works because it taps into that reflex. And it is backed by work from John Nolan, author of Confidential Business Secrets: Getting Theirs, Keeping Yours. Nolan points out that most meaningful disclosures in business don’t happen through confession. They happen through correction. When someone feels compelled to fix the record, they often reveal more than they intended. Nolan also notes that direct questions trigger our internal risk filters, which makes people guard information. A harmless statement, especially one that is slightly off, completely lowers the person’s guard.
What Elicitation Looks Like in Real Conversations
Instead of asking the remodeling customer, “What is your budget?” a better elicitation statement would have been something like, “From the way you talked about cooking for big groups, I get the sense you are planning on top-tier appliances and a level of build quality that holds up for years, and is something you will be proud to show off to guests.” Then stop talking.
If that isn’t what they want, they correct it. If they wish mid-grade or entry-level, they will say so. They feel a natural pull to straighten out the picture. They are simply reacting to the need to set the record straight. And in the correction, the real expectation comes out without the tension of a direct budgeting question.
Nolan calls this the power of “assumed knowledge.” When you sound like you have a basic handle on their situation, the other person wants to fill in the parts you didn’t get right. He also talks about the brain’s discomfort with “unfinished stories.” A half-formed assumption creates a subtle itch. People want to complete the narrative, and in doing so, they volunteer real insight.
I use this same method with some more guarded business owners. Perhaps I’m trying to gauge whether their revenue is trending up or down. Instead of asking directly, I make an elicitation statement such as, “I’m guessing that, based on our discussion, revenues are up from last year.” Then I wait.
If I’m wrong, they fix it immediately. They might say something like, “What makes you think that? Revenues are actually off this year.” They correct me without hesitation because the instinct to clarify is automatic. And that correction tells me more about the health of their business than any formal question would.
My son Josh is a shop foreman at an automotive service center, and he deals with this every week. A customer might come in with uneven tire wear. That usually means they hit something on the road, but if he asks the customer directly if they had an accident, they often tighten up or downright lie. Some are embarrassed. Some don’t want to admit fault. And some hope they will get a warranty tire replacement if the shop believes nothing unusual happened.
Knowing this, Josh has learned to avoid direct questions like that. Instead, he makes an elicitation statement today. For example, if the tires and alignment were done on the customer’s vehicle in the past year or so, he might say, “We’re sorry you are having issues with that one tire. I’m assuming the suspension geometry is still fine since we aligned your vehicle not long ago. So today I’ll have my technician just replace that tire under warranty.” Then he goes quiet.
If the customer did hit something, they are likely to correct him, since they know that if they only replace the tire, the uneven wear caused by the misalignment will quickly destroy the new tire. At that point, the customer would have no choice but to come clean and explain what really happened.
A landscaper I know used to ask prospects, “What kind of yard are you looking for?” Answers were always too vague. So, now he uses a series of elicitation statements such as, “So, from how you described your weekends, I get the sense you want something low maintenance that still looks polished.” Customers either confirm or correct him. And in the correction, along with perhaps a few more follow-up elicitation statements, they reveal exactly what they want.
In yet another example, a boutique owner I know replaced the standard greeting questions with an elicitation statement. Today, instead of asking, “Are you looking for anything in particular?” she now says, “So, I bet you’re probably looking for something warm with how fast the weather turned this week.” By starting with an elicitation statement rather than a standard question, customers are far more likely to be open and share what brought them into the boutique, because responding to an elicitation statement feels safe. In contrast, a question can sometimes feel like a trap.
I have also noticed that elicitation statements appear in many restaurant settings as well. Servers use them all the time without thinking about it. Instead of asking a table, “What are you in the mood for?” a good server might start with something like, “So, most folks wanting something hearty tonight usually go for the braised short rib.” Guests either confirm it or correct the idea. And as the conversation continues, the server can weave in a series of similar statements that let the table respond naturally until their true preferences emerge. It feels effortless, and the guests end up revealing more about what they want without ever being asked a direct question.
Nolan’s work ties all this together. He explains that people instinctively want to protect three things.
Competence
Consistency
Sense of being informed
When your elicitation statement brushes against any of these, the correction becomes even stronger. Nolan also explains that the most reliable information comes from conversations that feel harmless. People reveal far more when they believe they are volunteering information rather than responding to an inquiry.
The more sensitive the information, the more effective the elicitation statements become. When the stakes rise, the instinct to protect goes up, but so does the instinct to correct. Direct questions feel risky. A slightly inaccurate statement creates a pathway where the other person can tell the truth without feeling exposed.
“Sensitive information often flows more freely through correction than confession.”
Elicitation statements do not replace direct questions. You still need them. But elicitation fills the gaps that questions cannot reach. It helps you gather details that customers usually keep hidden. It removes the pressure that questions sometimes create. And it gives you a clearer understanding of what the other person actually wants.
How to Construct Elicitation Statements
There is a simple way to craft elicitation statements that feel natural. One of the easiest openings is the word “So…” followed by a recap that is close to the truth but not perfect. That little wobble in the recap invites the other person to correct you. It might be something like, “So, from what you said earlier, it sounded like the supplier finally got their act together this month.” If that’s not quite right, the other person jumps in to straighten things out, and you learn what actually happened.
Another useful opener is “I bet…” or “I assume…” which sets the stage for a gentle supposition. Something like, “I bet that delay put more pressure on your schedule than anyone realized.” The other person either agrees or corrects you, and in the correction, you get honest, unfiltered information without forcing them to defend themselves.
Both types of phrases work because they sound casual. They do not feel like questions. They feel like observations, which lowers tension. And because the statements are slightly off, the other person feels a natural pull to fix the record. You can string several of these statements together in a conversation and watch how quickly people start revealing details that they never would have shared through direct questioning. The more sensitive the information, the more effective this becomes, because direct questions trigger caution while elicitation lets the truth surface on its own.
This is why elicitation statements are so powerful. You are not prying anything out of anyone. You are simply creating the conditions where people feel comfortable revealing the truth. Nolan’s view is that information is not taken; it is offered. Elicitation just makes it feel natural to offer.
With all this in mind, there is an interesting challenge you can experiment with. See how many elicitation statements you can string together in a single conversation. Instead of asking direct questions, build a chain of statements that are each slightly incomplete. Watch how much the other person volunteers about their intentions, concerns, and constraints. It can be surprising how much they share simply because you gave them room to correct the record.
Once you get the feel for it, you start seeing it everywhere. People feel safer correcting a statement than answering a direct question. The correction feels natural. It feels social. And it bypasses the defensiveness that typically clouds business conversations.
Try it for a week. Make a few statements. Listen for corrections. Watch how people open up. You might find yourself wondering how you ever worked without this tool.
How do you plan to use elicitation statements in your next negotiation?
